Stars, · Planes, · and · Automobiles...

I've been going to therapy for almost two months! I'm so proud of myself!

I was going to write about how hard it is not to celebrate Christmas... which it is, but for some reason, I'm not really feeling like it's as hard as I thought.

Life is actually really fantastic right now. I'm teaching a bunch, making a little over 1000 a month...

We've got a lawyer and she just put together a draft of a licensing agreement for us!

I've moved in with Danny, officially, and we are working on making the house a home.

Learning to validate myself. It is the hardest thing in the world for me to do.

There's my update! Having a birthday party for Ken tomorrow night, then nothing Thurs, then Art Love Magic Friday, then Shul Sat, then class, then pick up the cake for MOM'S BIRTHDAY!!! yay!!!!!

Life is so fantastic right now.

:-)

mmm turquoise wish

You can have your guitar.
You can have your cigarettes
You can have your video games, your mind games

But if it's all the same

Just leave me your name
Forget who's to blame
Just give me a memory of something happy
Just leave me your name.

You can have your dreams
You can have your women
You can have your life
But I was once your wife

So if it's all the same

Just your name
Leave me your name
Give me the memory of a time when you loved me

Copyright 2010 M_A_N
Leave me your name.

And even when I find someone new
I'll never forget what our love put us through
So if it's all the same to you
Forget the blame
Just leave me your name.

The final blow
The ending punch
Disappointed me

I'd hoped for something
Powerful, painful
To knock me off my feet

But what I got was
Feeble, numbing
Didn't make me swoon

I'd barely blinked
Still standing tall
I shrugged and left the room

The final blow
The softest touch
It didn't leave a mark

The final blow
The sweetest kiss
It couldn't break my heart.

Copyright 2010 Michalina

Oh Jackie
John
Jack
Bauer
The way you dodge those bullets
I can't imagine what's it's like to be a god like you are.
Moving, moving, running
Dodging, always winning- but do you win?
You must be godlike to suffer all the pain-
For even though those bullets miss your skin
Race past your skin
They burrow themselves into your friends and your family
And puncture your heart.
Poor
Jackie
John
Jack
Bauer.
Not even a god could stand the pain.

Copyright 2010 Michalina

The final kiss

Wasn't the way I expected it to be.
I thought it'd be something
bitter
sour
painful
But all it ended up being
sweet
tangy
numb.
With all the fires we made with our angry words
The fires we quenched with our tears of repentance,
we burned away so much of our souls that there was nothing left

Nothing left
When it came to the final kiss.

The sweetest
Tangy-est
Numbness.

The final kiss.

Copyright 2010 Michalina

Going through a lot right now. But I am happier than I have been in a really long time!

I just realized something after reading cheesentoast's journal.

God does not make us feel guilty. Guilt is what drives us away from God.

The Law was put in place not to make us feel guilty, but to show us who God is. To show us that the little parts of us that desire good are actually God speaking to us. To show us there is a right way.

But I feel so guilty when I think about the law and how I've broken it that I don't want to face God. I feel like something bad should happen to me. And maybe, because sin dwells in me, something bad should happen to me.

But that is why God sent Jesus. And before that, why God made the provision for sacrifices.
He did this so we could get rid of sin... OUR KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL! So we don't have to wrestle with the law anymore, but know that God took care of it. And we will sin, because we live in a fallen world. The only difference between people who don't believe in Jesus and people who do is that we've gotten rid of the nagging feeling we're doing something wrong, not by killing the feeling, but by acknowledging that we are not God and letting Jesus (God) be perfect in us.

I have always erred on the side of not sinning, and I have separated myself from the people around me. I will embrace the fact that I am a sinner! I am gloriously sinful. I am human. And God is God. And somehow, through no real understanding of my own, I can go on living the way I do and God will still love me.

So anyway. Guilt is not God. God is the voice that whispers that He loves you when everything else goes wrong.

Holy crap.

:-)

WHISKY BLUES

I loved you once, then I lost you to whisky
I loved you once, then I lost you to whisky
I can't love you again till you quit that whisky

Baby I wanna love you til the cows come home
Baby I wanna love you til the cows come home
But until you quit that alcohol I won't pick up the phone.

Baby I wanna love you wild and sweet as honey
Baby I wanna love you wild and sweet as honey
But I ain't gonna have you drinking away my money.

Baby I wanna love you, love you like the rain
Baby I wanna love you, love you like the rain
But baby I can't love you when all you do is cause me pain.

I loved you once, then I lost you to whisky
I loved you once, then I lost you to whisky
I can't love you again till you quit that whisky

copyright 2009 m_a_n